In short, the Academy has their awards and I have mine. Awards that I thought it negligent of those other awards to leave out so I'm presenting them now as a service to the community. Why Lenny? Well, have you ever known of a smart guy named Lenny? And to any guys out there actually named Lenney, I do not appologize (blame your mothers).
At any rate, in no particular order then, are the LAFTAMs...
| Best Xerox Of A Previous Film: | Titanic (1997) |
| Worst Non-Fillini Movie: | Event Horizon |
| Worst Film Of A real-Life Company: | Anti-Trust |
| The Super-8 Award: | The Blair Witch Project |
| Most Disappointing Sequel: | Any Highlander movie after the first one |
| Most Far-Afield From The Original Source Material: | The Time Machine (2002) |
| Most Pretensious Piece Of Mind-Numbing Drek: | Gosford Park |
| Most Highly Promoted Porn Flick: | Eyes Wide Shut (aka: Eyes Wide Slut) |
| Best Use of Doom-Style 3D graphics in a professional film: | Mummy 2 |
| Show We'd Most Like To See Made: | It's The Great Pumpkinhead Charlie Brown |
| The Bibmo Award: | Barbarella |
| Best Use Of The Color Black: | Pitch Black |
| Worst Example Of How To Write The Effects Of Time Travel Into A Television Show or Movie: | Any time it appeared in Stark Trek Voyager |
| Best Use Of Silicone In a TV Series: | VIP |
| The "Beat A Dead Horse" Award: | Power Rangers |
| Most Overly Marketed Television Show: | Pokemon |
| Least Amount Of Grey Matter In A Television Series: | Sex In The City |
| Least Amount Of Grey Matter In A City: | Hollywood |
| Best Actor Who Likes Having Fun With His Roles: | Wesley Snipes |
| Best Actor With A Chip On His Shoulder: | Denzel Washington |
| Most over appreciated Director: | Robert Altman |
| Most Unaware Of His Own Personal Failings: | William Shatner |
| Best Real-Life Cartoon Character Person: | Gilbert Godfried |
| Best Actor In A Jackie Chan Movie: | Jackie Chan |
| Most Number Of Career Combacks: | John Travolta |
| Least Funniest Commedian In a Late-Night Talk Or Variety Show: | Nearly any new guy appearing in a show starting at or after 11:30 PM. |
| Favorite Cyborg Zombie Killer: | Jason |
| Most Ridiculous Comeback (Or the "We Can't Believe They Did It" award): | Jason in Jason X |
| Most Meaningless Awards Show: | The Academy Awards |
| Career Award For Longest Awards Shows: | The Academy Awards |